Family

You and three of your best friends are spending the day together.  You went for mani pedis, a massage and a cologen facial.  Right now you feel at peace with the world and stress-free.

You top it off later by getting all dolled up and going out.  You all go to one of the most popular nightclubs in town.  The place is always lit and tonight is no different.  You and your girls are looking fierce and exuding confidence.

The club is full of people from different ethnicities and backgrounds, that’s what makes it so great.  You scan the room hoping to find a table big enough, a lot of the tables there are made for only two.  You luck out and find a big enough table and hurry over and have a seat.

The DJ’s jamming your favorite tune and you bop to the beat as a waitress appears and asks if she could get you ladies anything.  It’s not long before the guys start trying their luck and each one of you get an offer to the dance floor.

You’re all having a great time but as the night goes on that changes.  One of your girls decides she’s leaving with this guy she just met.  You look at each other in amazement because she made a pack with each of you, as you always do, to leave the same way she came, with her girls.

None of you can convince her that, that’s not a very good idea.  She has already made up her mind and with a straight face tells you she’ll see you tomorrow.

What is it with women today?  What causes a normally in control woman to toss all good sense aside and follow a total stranger?  Yeah, yeah, we know the modern woman has evolved.  We know she’s strong, independent and she answers to no one.  But maybe she needs to answer to herself and the rational voice deep down inside of her.

She can do and be anything she wants to be.  So why does she choose to be irresponsible…and in a way that’s very dangerous?  What’s the drawing force that no one else sees?  In spite of all the evolution and changes women has gone through, we can still be ladies with values.

You have to love and value yourself and unfortunately a lot of people don’t.  You’re a child of the most high God, who’s made in his image and he loves you very much.  His grace and mercy he gives you and it’s renewed everyday.

Ephesians 4:7               

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

Studies have shown that even though a man would convince a woman to do something she may later regret, he’d rather marry the one that won’t get convinced.  Per Tiffany Grace Reyes, men put women into two categories.  Either you’re an easy lay or you’re hard to get.

She says that men, from the moment a woman steps into the room, whether it’s a club, a party or an office, it’s like men have this inexplicable radar that can detect if a woman is easy or not.  Tiffany says men seem to have a finely tuned talent for seeing beyond the veiled looks and rehearsed smiles.  They’re natural born hunters with the gift of seeking out the easy.

What changed that women don’t cherish their most prized possession anymore?  Of course the guy who’s not ready to settle down would say that the woman who’s easier gets more attention and that’s who he wants to spend time with.  He’s saying what he has to in order to get what he wants.

If you don’t ever want to get married then this doesn’t matter to you but if you do you must make a change if you’ve been easy pickings.  You have to develop a different outlook and you must value yourself.

Men want to marry a woman who’s sexy without being trashy.  A virtuous woman who carries herself with class.  Someone who exudes confidence as well as virtue.  Women used to know how to do this.  They knew how to appeal to a man without sleeping with him the first time they met him.  How to make him wonder and desire her…and how to relay the message…look but don’t touch.

Again, if getting married doesn’t matter to you as a woman then you don’t have to adhere to any of this.  Continue to do you.  But if you’re a Godly woman who wants to be married one day and have a family…make that change.  Go to God, be sincere and dedicated and want to change…then talk to that woman in the mirror and really make that change!

 

Proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 31:10

An excellent wife who can find?  She is far more precious than jewels.

 

 

 

On any given day, long ago, in almost every city and neighborhood in this country there was the noise of children playing outside.  It was the sound of laughter, chatter and sometimes dares and double dares, and between the chatter barking dogs affirming their presence.  It was a sweet, innocent, comforting sound that let you know that families live there.

Growing up in the sixties there were challenges.  It was an iconic era of controversy and growth for the United States.  Young people everywhere were willing to learn about others from different cultures and ethnicities, showing love, understanding and tolerance.  They were a shining example for the adults.

Although I wasn’t a teenager yet (I was in elementary and jr. high during that decade) I saw a lot and remember a lot.  I saw things change and growing up in the south, some stay the same.  There were problems and young people wanted to solve them.  Nothing seemed to hard for the youth of that day and era who spoke of making love not war.  They were and still are people you could look up to and my heroes.

Those were the good old days and even with the problems we were having as a nation, things were much simpler then.

On a weekday between 8:15am and 3:00pm every child was in school.  Whether elementary, junior high or high school, it was a set time all over the country and the one way in which they were all alike.  Once that 3:00pm bell rang and signaled the end of the day, it let us know learning time was over and that’s when the fun began.

You raced home, changed your clothes and did your homework before you headed outside.  Something that seemed to be a written rule from parents everywhere was do your homework before you went outside…and generally it was.  Our parents told us what to do and we did it.  Again, much more simpler times.

Some kids didn’t even have to have a snack before going outside because they were still full from lunch.

Awe…school lunch.  It was a healthy 3 course meal that resembled dinner, along with dessert and a milk.  Sometimes you even got the chance to have chocolate milk and when that happened kids were in hog heaven.

The food itself was tasty and delicious and enough to hold the average child until dinnertime.  Some kids brought their lunches from home but the clear winner back then and what everyone strived to have I might add, was school lunch.  It was like winning the lotto.  It was that good.

Children loved going outside.  They played hide and seek, hop scotch and double dutch.  They rode bikes and roller skated up and down the block.  They watched birds and caught lizards and frogs, and they even dug in the sand for doodlebugs, something I think may be extent today.  Those little insects always left a trail behind them in the sand, which is how we knew where to find them.

Boys and some girls competed at marbles where the best would end up with your hummie.  We climbed and hung out in trees where we’d sit on a branch hidden from the world or so we thought, and talk about some of everything.  It was something every child tried and usually mastered.

Almost every child was a natural born explorer, something they all were deemed to be at the time.  There were woods near by and abandoned houses that needed to be explored.  For every set of woods there was a walking trail carved out in each one, even if just for a short cut through them, but mostly for investigating them.  Abandoned houses were not crack houses.  There was no such thing back then.  They just didn’t have anyone living in them yet and was never locked.  Another sign of the times.

Children used their imaginations and built forts and club houses from old cardboard boxes and left over wood and they were quite good I must say.  They learned creativity by using their imaginations. 

Every neighborhood had a crew.  Crews that would challenge other neighborhood crews in track, football, softball or basketball.  This is where you found out who was top dog, as we used to call them.  It was friendly competition, with trash talk of course, and it was what we all did.

It showed us that if you wanted something bad enough, you had to work hard for it and be committed.  Nothing was given to you.  There was no such thing as giving a losing crew a title simply because they participated.  Something they do for kids today…and we wonder what’s wrong with them?

The crew that became top dog held the title until another crew took it away from them.  And to do that they had to work for it.  They had to run faster or play whatever game better.  There was no fighting and no shooting as they do today.  That only shows you as being a coward or a sore loser and we didn’t want to be either one of those.

Children stayed active and that activity lead to healthier, leaner bodies and minds.  They could stay outside until the street lights came on without having to worry about predators.  Awe…simpler times.

Don’t know what it is today, why there are those who wants to harm and take away a child’s innocence.  So much evil in the world.

But God is still on the throne.  He sees all and knows all.  It breaks his heart to see what the human race has come to and he still wants the best for us.  He sacrificed his only begotten son so that we may live and that we may live more abundantly.  He supplies grace and mercy for us everyday.

There’s good and evil in this world.  We make choices, and for every choice there’s a consequence, sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad.  It baffles me when you hear people say, why did God allow that to happen?  Know that God did not make us into robots, we have free will to make a choice, and our free will is what leads to whatever the outcome may be.

Even during simpler times there was good and evil, however evil seems to have gotten more rampant these days which tells us the end is getting near.  Are you ready?  I hope so…and although the simpler times are gone we can look forward to a better day when we will all be in paradise with Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 15:13

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Someone is always saying something about this generation.  Like  they’re spoiled or they’re selfish or they have entitlement issues or the granddaddy of them all, they’re disrespectful.

Well, you know what…if they are it’s because they’re being raised that way.  People don’t take pride in how they rear their children anymore, sometimes the parents act worst than the kids.  Their morals and character has changed and they think that every passing fancy is the right way of doing things simply because it’s what everyone else is doing.

It use to be that whether you were rich or poor, black or white, children respected others and they definitely showed respect to their elders.  These days they could care less about their elders and most assuredly about any adult.

Back in the day, which is what I always compare things to because that was during my generation, we wouldn’t even say certain things around older people.  There was a level of respect we had for them and showed them.  So to get back to the question in the title, we were taught that.

We were also taught to respect authority, like our teachers, something that’s almost unheard of today.  Teachers have no control or rights anymore and a lot of them can’t teach their classes.

While we’re teaching our kids to love themselves and to have self-esteem, which we absolutely should do, somewhere along the way something’s getting lost in translation.

We have to do a better job of teaching and we have to lead by example.  Children learn from what they see us do and they learn by being trained.  You have to be a healthy, self-respecting parent in order for your child to be a healthy, self-respecting child; who will grow into a healthy, self-respecting adult.

So many times you see people teaching their children to say certain things or do certain things that’s not respectful, thinking it’s cute.  Then once they grow up doing those things the parent says they don’t know where the child got it from.  Think about it! Just like you teach bad behavior, you can teach good behavior.

Respect means:

• a way of treating or thinking about someone or something
• high or special regard, think much of
• a feeling of deep admiration for someone elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievements

If we don’t teach this to our children, how do we expect for them to be respectful to others?  Or even to us?  We are our children’s first examples.  We have to be polite and kind as parents in order for our children to be that way.  They don’t come here with it programmed in them.

As a Christian, respect is what you have for God and what he wants us, and teaches us in his word, to have for others.

It is hard to do in the world today because there’s so much negativity and so many that condone bad behavior.  Everywhere you look there’s something awful happening.  Children do dreadful things and don’t get reprimanded.  A lot of the times the authority shames the victim.  It’s no wonder children think that’s the way it should be and the way they should act.

But if we are in Christ and He in us then we learn how to rise above all of that.  We learn how to do better and be better.  We study his word and gather with other believers to learn as much as we can about him.  We want to please him and part of that is showing respect and being respectful to others.

You can almost always recognize a child that’s being raised in a Christian home.  You can identify them by their actions.  They’re usually respectful to their parents and their teachers.  They are also respectful of others and their opinions and are generally just an all around good kid.  Who wouldn’t want a child like that?  They’re not perfect, none of us are but they care about and respect others.

It’s hard raising children these days…if I were you instead of following the world and doing the selfish thing, I’d follow Christ and do the selfless thing.

Well like I stated earlier, R-E-S-P-E-C-T is a taught and learned behavior.  In my opinion the world would be a much better place if there was more of it.

Luke 6 : 43-45

43 For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

44 For every tree is known by his own fruit.  For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes.

45 A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good;  and an evil man out of the evil treasure     of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

This is the question that has been at the center of controversy for a long time now.  Some say it’s ok and others do not.

There are a lot of psychologists that says that spanking is not the right thing to do.  They say it causes problems.  That it causes the child to be more violent and aggressive later on in life.  But those of us who are old school, beg to differ.  We know better.

We all got spanked and the problems it caused for us are respect for your elders and others, listening to authority, self-control and a whole lot more.  And by the way you should be raising your child not letting your child raise you.

You are the adult, it is your responsibility to raise that child to be a caring and responsible human being.

God gives us a blueprint for our lives and it’s called the bible.  And if we adhere to his instructions our lives would be a whole lot easier when it comes to raising our children and everything else.

So many parents today want to be friends with their children… news flash…they have enough friends, who are their age.  They need you to be what you’re supposed to be and that’s the parent, leading and guiding them.

For those who think that discipline isn’t necessary, talking will do the trick, I have a scenario for you.

Take two groups of school age kids.  One group has discipline, morals and values and believes in God and the other does not.

Put one group in one classroom and the other group in another for about five hours.  Come back at the end of the day and check with the teachers.  Then you decide who had an easier time. I bet a dollar to a dime the teacher with the first group did.

Today’s parents want to put their children in time-out or take something away from them.  Still some think that talking to them will do the trick.  Well each child is different and if that works for you and your family by all means do it.  But for most it doesn’t and now we have a crisis on our hands.

Kids don’t respect authority these days and why do you think that is?  And a lot of their parents blame the teacher for their child’s behavior instead of taking responsibility and reprimanding their child.  A child learns from what he/she sees and if the parent behaves badly, nine times out of ten, so will the child.  You have to be disciplined and stable in order for your child to be.

The following is research that came from psychologists.  They say that spanking your child…

1.) Leads to increased aggression

2.) Antisocial behavior

3.) Mental health problems

4.) Low self-esteem

So I guess half of the country who was raised getting spanked sometimes have these issues.  I think not.  I think it’s the exact opposite.

Using the classroom as an example go to a classroom today.  Study it and then compare it to a classroom from 50 years ago.  Check the atmosphere.  Does the teacher have control?  Is she able to teach her class without constantly being interrupted?

We have to stop making excuses for our children’s behavior and call it what it really is…lack of discipline.

As the parent you’re supposed to train them properly.  And if along the way you have to spank him/her, then do that.  It’s better you do it so the police don’t have to.

We’re not talking about abuse.  Of course these are two totally different  things.  You know the difference.

The research for spanking found that it leads to…

1.) Self-control

2.) Respect for your elders and others

3.) Respect for your parents

4.) Respect for authority

5.) Accountability

6.) More likely to not do drugs

7.) More likely to make the right decisions

8.) Inner strength

9.) Knows the parent cares enough to not want them to make wrong decisions

10.) More likely to think before making a detrimental decision

And just like you reprimand your child when he/she do wrong, let them know and commend them when they do right.

It’s not easy raising children and in today’s society it’s even harder.

Set guidelines and rules based on God’s word and enforce them.  Your child will be a better adult and appreciative to you for caring enough about their well-being.

Bottom line…don’t not spank simply because it’s what the masses are attesting to today.  And by all means don’t do it if something else is more effective.

But if all else fails, then do what you as the parent have to do.  And if that’s spanking, don’t let someone tell you what’s right for your family.  Do as Nike says and…just do it!

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So many people say they want real love, but do they?  On the one hand they say they do but they don’t necessarily want what goes along with that love.  They want the sunshine and blue skies but not the rainy days.  Not realizing that you’re going to have both…it’s called life.

Nothing stays the same…

When you came into the world you were a newborn.  Each and every newborn changes, not one will remain the same.  Your body is designed by God and it goes through a metamorphosis with each passing day.

Real Love will develop into a relationship and it does the same thing.

When you first meet someone and you’re interested in them, you do everything you can to impress that person.  You’re always on your best behavior whenever you’re around them and you’re always looking at the bright side.  Everyone around you notice a change and say as much.  And you…you feel like you’re walking on air.

Once you and that person really connect, you can’t stay away from each other.  You want to spend every waking moment with them.  This is how you know this is someone special.  For some of us that’s scary because it’s never happened before…thus the beginnings of Real Love.

What’s next…

With that special relationship comes trust, honesty and a connection like no other.  It’s all sunshine and lollipops now but with time the rain will fall.

Matthew 7:24-27 tells us of the wise man and the foolish man.  The wise man built his house upon the rock which is a solid foundation.  The foolish man built his house upon the sand which is unstable.  When the rain came down, the stream rose and the winds blew and beat against the houses.

The one that remained was the one built on the solid foundation.  The one built upon the sand fell with a great crash.

Commitment is the key…

When you enter into a committed relationship with someone and eventually get married, your relationship should be like that of the wise man.  You must build it on a solid foundation and build on it as you grow.

Too often we are going into relationships with a preconceived outcome or a fairytale mentality.  We think the part that says “And they lived happily ever after” means no disagreements, not having an opinion and no wanting to spend time with ourselves sometimes.

Or on the other hand we already have the mind set of ” if it don’t work out I’ll get a divorce.”  You’ve already accepted your defeat.

You are two different people.  Each one of you have your own mind, your own thoughts and your own opinions.  That’s what makes you uniquely you and who you are.

Relationships change…

They grow and they mature.  Things that were important to you as a child is not so much anymore.  You realize that some things take presidence over others.

You’re going to have arguments and disagreements sometimes.  You can’t cut and run every time you do.

Some people have affairs based on the rainy days part of the relationship.  They go elsewhere looking and seeking for something that’s a band-aide.  They want someone imaginary, with their mindset.  Not realizing that that new person is being everything they want right now simply because they are someone new.

That person is saying and doing all the things that you want them to.  That too will change.

Trust in God…

Life happens, it brings about a change.  Which is why when you really and truly make a commitment to someone, you both must put your trust in God by putting him first.  He lays the ground work for marriage and commitment in his word.  He’s that solid foundation, the rock you need in order for your relationship to last.

He’s the calm when a storm rages and the joy in the good times.  And if you cast all your cares on him he will give you that staying power.  He will take care of it all.

Now I’m not saying that if someone is abusive to you or is always putting you down that you should stay there.  If that person truly loves you they wouldn’t do that to you.  And if you trust in God he will lead you out of that situation.

Marriage is a covenant…

And it should be taken seriously.  You shouldn’t go into it with the mindset of getting out of it.  Know that a covenant is a formal binding agreement.  It shouldn’t be taken lightly or with the intent of breaking the agreement.

Most people think marriage is a contract.  A contract is something you could have with anyone.  Including someone who you don’t know personally as long as you agree with a written stipulation and the terms and sign it and date it.

A covenant is more personal and doesn’t have an expiration date.  It’s something you should go into with your eyes wide open.

If you find Real Love you’ll want to keep it.  You make little sacrifices and even do things you never thought you’d do for someone else.  That’s what they call…selflessness and that’s what it’s all about.

Marriage is ordained by God; it is His institution.  His word states in Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Study his word for your marriage, it’s the best guideline that you can have and relish in the fact that you will have a Real Love.  And state that… yes…I do want Real Love!

 

 

You could hear the bellowing throughout the grocery store.  The sound of a child screaming at the top of his lungs and oh what good lungs he had.  With every step that I made the bawling got closer.  As luck would have it we ended up in the same aisle.

There he was, the culprit, perched in a shopping basket screaming his little head off.  The little boy looked to be about 3 years old.  He had silky jet black curls flowing around his face and not a tear in his eyes.  Some people passing by gave the side eye, while others just down right glared.

The mother, bless her heart, was as red as a beet.  You could clearly see she’d had enough but was doing absolutely nothing to de-escalate the situation.

What would you do at times like this?  Do you let the child continue to wail at the top of his lungs, disturbing everyone in the store including you?  Or do you, as the parent, take control of the situation?

Parents today…

Too often today we see parents relinquishing control to the child.  Letting them do anything that they want to in the name of “modern culture.”  And instead of raising law abiding, respectable adults we’re raising a generation with entitlement issues.  A generation of me and mine instead of, are you alright or how can I help.

Children are a product of their environment and if you don’t train your child it will show and almost always once you get in public.

Is there a special skill you need as a parent?  No…what you need as a parent is to teach your child the “D” word…discipline.

What is Discipline…

Discipline is training that corrects, molds or perfects.  It’s training by instruction to behave in a way that’s proper and responsible.  It’s training to follow rules.  In life there are going to be rules, whether at home or in public.  And if your child is not trained to follow rules at home, he/she’s not going to follow them in public and there’s going to be consequences.

Lack of Discipline…

If a child is not disciplined it will show.  It comes out in many different ways.  Here’s just a few…

• Bad attitude
• Irresponsible
• Problems at school
• Disruptive
• No respect for authority

All results of not being disciplined or having structure.  The Lord instructs us in Proverbs 22:6 to train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.  He tells us not to withhold correction.  If we listen and as parents instruct and guide our kids, they will be the better for it.

Discipline is not Punishment…

You’re not punishing your child when you discipline him/her.  There is a difference and you as a parent should know that.

With discipline your child will understand their own behavior better, show independence, and respect themselves and others.

You can actually start disciplining your little ones at around six months old.  Believe it or not they generally start to understand then.  You can start setting a few limits and boundaries for them.  Your communication and interaction with your child will teach them the way and teach them structure.  Disciplining is about teaching and guidance which can and should start in infancy’s earliest stages.

Punishment is different and can be done in two ways.  It can be physical as in spanking or taking away a privilege or psychological, as in time-out.  It’s usually done as a last result for something reprehensible.  You as the parent make the call.

Setting limits is a critical part of your responsibility as a parent says Clair Lerner, LCSW, Director of Parenting Resources at Zero to Three, in Washington D.C.

She says, you’re helping your child to understand right from wrong, to follow rules, and to cope with frustration and disappointment.  Your child and you will be the better for it.

Reward for Good Behavior…

Just like there are repercussions for bad behavior there should be some for good behavior.  Reward your child when he/she does well and let them know how much you appreciate them.  He/she will learn the difference and as they grow your role as a parent will get a lot easier.  At least until he/she gets to be around 12 or 13.  And as always show love and love will be returned unto you.

 

 

 

 

 

They try you, they test you, they do almost anything to get on your last nerve.  They’re going to definitely let you know they have a voice and…they are yours.  They belong to you…a gift from God…or is it?

Well yeah, they were given to you by God and you love them unconditionally.  At times, you feel like you want to give them back and may even threaten to do so.  Remember the old adage “I brought you into this world and I’ll take you out.”

I think every child growing up in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s must have heard that at least once in their life.  And when they did hear it they knew their parents meant business.  They knew they had to straighten up or pay the consequences.

But the trying and testing done by children back in the day was nothing like it is now.  The children today don’t usually pay any consequences and that’s our fault.  We must teach them that there’re consequences for their actions.  Good or bad.

They are very self-serving.  They’re also winers who have entitlement issues.  And you know what…we did that too, we raised them that way.

We’re supposed to be raising God-fearing, respectable people to take over for us one day, but we aren’t.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with teaching a child to love him or herself, they should.  But we must also teach them balance.  And by balance I mean, love yourself but love, respect and have empathy for others as well.  Know that for everything they do there’s a consequence.

Children must learn that the sun doesn’t revolve around them only, it revolves around all of us.  A lot of us coddle and baby them so much and I think this causes then to think that way.  That whatever they do, it’s alright.  Well it’s not alright and especially when they are disrespecting to others as well as their parents.

They don’t respect their teachers, they don’t respect their elders or anyone and I think it’s because we don’t teach them to.  Some of us even teach them to lie their way out of situations instead of teaching them to own up to the truth.

So we need to go back to the drawing board.  We have to teach them about God first and foremost.  With this foundation the respect and discipline will come easier.

You’re still going to get the trying, testing and rebellion.  I think this has got to be “Teenager 101” and we can’t get around it, but our children will be more apt to think about what they do and make a conscience decision whether to do it or not.

Even when they make wrong decisions and they will because they’re young and because we all do, they will be more inclined to admit they’ve done something wrong and ask for your forgiveness.

Raising children is a job we all signed up for when we decided to get pregnant.  A job we can’t just quit or call out sick for.  Well, maybe if you have a spouse you can be sick some of the times but for the most part you’re expected and supposed to be there for your child or children.  It’s a part of your growing as well as theirs.

But you know what, children are a joy and we’re glad we have them.  They make life a little more tolerable sometimes.  This is what we have to think about when we get to those teenage years because otherwise if we could, there would be a lot of sending them back. (smile)

So, we must take the good with the bad because we have to and because we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.  He’s who we must look to in those trying and testing times and who we must thank in those peaceful times.  He’s who will see us through whatever may come our way.

So know that with children we have to take the good with the bad.  It’s called life!

Philippians 4:13

 

We got married on Dec 7th, 1974.  I’d just turned 20 years old six weeks earlier on Oct. 14th.  My husband had just turned 20 the day before.  Back then you didn’t really get a lot of marital advice.  I think their mentality was you either do it or you don’t.

We were young, very much in love and extremely optimistic.  We had our whole lives ahead of us and we were determined to live it and to do all that we had to, to stay married and in love.

After all, “it can’t be that hard,” is what we thought…as long as we love each other.  We thought love was a cure all for anything and just knew staying married would be like a cake walk.

Especially since both our parents (who were great examples) had been married for at least 30 years at the time.  They made it look easy and we figured, if they can do it, we KNOW we can.

Oh, how things change.  When you’re young and bright eyed, you feel as if things will always be the same, not knowing that everything and anything will change with time.  You have to work at marriage and work hard.  And it doesn’t come with a “how to” manual, you have to figure it out for yourself.

First of all, having children is going to change the dynamics of the relationship and you should really think about that before you have any.  They can and do make life better but you should be ready for the change, mentally and physically.

And even though we had our first child a year and a half earlier, there was still a change. No more just jumping into the car and going somewhere.  Whether to a night club, a movie or even down the street, we had someone else to consider.

Even your sleeping pattern changes.  I was still living at home with my parents when I had my son and it wasn’t hard at all.  I had all the help in the world and didn’t have to worry about a thing, not even a babysitter.

My parents wouldn’t even take the money my husband (at the time my boyfriend) tried to give them for our son.  We take care of our own is how they thought.  Thanks be to God my family was doing alright financially because a lot of people at the time wasn’t.

We were so hopeful in the beginning of our marriage, but you know what, that’s how you should be.  Slowly but surely things are going to change.  You get to know the other person and all of their little intricacies and you start viewing everything a little differently.

You both have a lot to learn and as long as you’re willing participants things could go a lot smoother.  I had to learn that and so did my husband.  You can’t have the mind set of “it’s my way or no way,” or be unwilling to change (as you mature) because it won’t work.

You’re going to have disagreements, different ideas and opinions about things…you’re two different people.  As long as the both of you are striving for one goal, you can make it.  But you have to have God in your life and you have to put Him first.

We both came from Faith based families but at that age we didn’t put our faith to work and as a result we had a tumultuous relationship.  Not in the beginning of the marriage but eventually it got there.

As I look back I see so many instances where if we’d only taken the time to read God’s word and asked Him for guidance, things would’ve been a whole lot easier.  Or even asked someone with more experience.  We thought it was a sign of weakness or even failure if we’d asked for help.  After all we’d never heard of anyone else asking for help.

I thank God that our eyes were opened as we got older.  And even though we hadn’t heard of it (people kept it to themselves for some reason), a lot of people needed help.  It would make married life a lot easier if someone lets you know that whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone, we’ve gone through that too and here’s how we resolved it.

It’s now August 2017.  On December 7th of this year we’ll celebrate our 43rd Wedding Anniversary.  We’re still together and in spite of some very tough times, still very much in love.  It hasn’t been easy, at times it was down right hard but we persevered.

We’re friends and partners in this game called life.  And it’s like they say, anything worth having you have to work at it.  The same energy you put into your job when you go there everyday, you have to put it into your marriage as well.  That’s the only way to come out a winner…and isn’t that what you want?

Genesis 2:24

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.