We got married on Dec 7th, 1974. I’d just turned 20 years old six weeks earlier on Oct. 14th. My husband had just turned 20 the day before. Back then you didn’t really get a lot of marital advice. I think their mentality was you either do it or you don’t.
We were young, very much in love and extremely optimistic. We had our whole lives ahead of us and we were determined to live it and to do all that we had to, to stay married and in love.
After all, “it can’t be that hard,” is what we thought…as long as we love each other. We thought love was a cure all for anything and just knew staying married would be like a cake walk.
Especially since both our parents (who were great examples) had been married for at least 30 years at the time. They made it look easy and we figured, if they can do it, we KNOW we can.
Oh, how things change. When you’re young and bright eyed, you feel as if things will always be the same, not knowing that everything and anything will change with time. You have to work at marriage and work hard. And it doesn’t come with a “how to” manual, you have to figure it out for yourself.
First of all, having children is going to change the dynamics of the relationship and you should really think about that before you have any. They can and do make life better but you should be ready for the change, mentally and physically.
And even though we had our first child a year and a half earlier, there was still a change. No more just jumping into the car and going somewhere. Whether to a night club, a movie or even down the street, we had someone else to consider.
Even your sleeping pattern changes. I was still living at home with my parents when I had my son and it wasn’t hard at all. I had all the help in the world and didn’t have to worry about a thing, not even a babysitter.
My parents wouldn’t even take the money my husband (at the time my boyfriend) tried to give them for our son. We take care of our own is how they thought. Thanks be to God my family was doing alright financially because a lot of people at the time wasn’t.
We were so hopeful in the beginning of our marriage, but you know what, that’s how you should be. Slowly but surely things are going to change. You get to know the other person and all of their little intricacies and you start viewing everything a little differently.
You both have a lot to learn and as long as you’re willing participants things could go a lot smoother. I had to learn that and so did my husband. You can’t have the mind set of “it’s my way or no way,” or be unwilling to change (as you mature) because it won’t work.
You’re going to have disagreements, different ideas and opinions about things…you’re two different people. As long as the both of you are striving for one goal, you can make it. But you have to have God in your life and you have to put Him first.
We both came from Faith based families but at that age we didn’t put our faith to work and as a result we had a tumultuous relationship. Not in the beginning of the marriage but eventually it got there.
As I look back I see so many instances where if we’d only taken the time to read God’s word and asked Him for guidance, things would’ve been a whole lot easier. Or even asked someone with more experience. We thought it was a sign of weakness or even failure if we’d asked for help. After all we’d never heard of anyone else asking for help.
I thank God that our eyes were opened as we got older. And even though we hadn’t heard of it (people kept it to themselves for some reason), a lot of people needed help. It would make married life a lot easier if someone lets you know that whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone, we’ve gone through that too and here’s how we resolved it.
It’s now August 2017. On December 7th of this year we’ll celebrate our 43rd Wedding Anniversary. We’re still together and in spite of some very tough times, still very much in love. It hasn’t been easy, at times it was down right hard but we persevered.
We’re friends and partners in this game called life. And it’s like they say, anything worth having you have to work at it. The same energy you put into your job when you go there everyday, you have to put it into your marriage as well. That’s the only way to come out a winner…and isn’t that what you want?
Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
