You’re sitting in your leather recliner watching this program on television. Then suddenly the man says to his wife, “I’m leaving you. You don’t make me happy anymore.”
Hold up! Pump your breaks! It’s high time that this guy and everyone like him knows this. It’s not your spouse’s job or anyone else’s for that matter, to make you happy. It’s YOURS! This needs to be shouted from the rooftops.
All my life I’ve heard just the opposite. People saying he or she doesn’t make me happy anymore so I’m moving on; and I was guilty of thinking this way as well until I learned better. We are always looking to blame someone else for our short comings when we need to be looking at ourselves.
Happiness and unhappiness for that matter, is a state of mind. It’s a decision we make to ourselves about ourselves.
Although, one theory in psychology research suggests that we all have a happiness “set point” that largely determines our overall well-being. It says we oscillate around this set point, becoming happier when something positive happens or the opposite, afterwards returning to equilibrium. But even if that’s true, it states that this set-point, to a certain extent, can be reset.
Although our general mood levels and well-being are partially determined by factors like genetics and upbringing, roughly 40 percent of our happiness is within our control, according to some experts, and a large body of research in the field of positive psychology has shown that happiness is a choice that anyone can make.
They understand that when we stop chasing the world’s definition of happiness, we begin to see the decision to experience happiness has been right in front of us all along. Research in the field of positive psychology continues to reinforce this understanding.
What can you do?
Here’s 12 actions, suggested by people like Joshua Becker and Carolyn Gregoire, you can choose today to help in making you happy.
- Count Your Blessings. Happy people choose to focus on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative. They set their minds on specific reasons to be grateful. They express it when possible. And they quickly discover there is always, always, something to be grateful for.
- Carry a Smile. A smile is a wonderful beautifier. But more that that, studies indicate that making an emotion-filled face carries influence over the feelings processed by the brain. Our facial expression can influence our brain in just the same way our brains influence our face. In other words, you can actually program yourself to experience happiness by choosing to smile. Not to mention, all the pretty smiles you’ll receive in return for flashing yours is also guaranteed to increase your happiness level.
- Cultivate Gratitude. List a few things daily that makes you grateful. This shifts you away from bitterness and despair and promotes happiness.
- Foster Forgiveness. Holding a grudge and nursing grievances can affect physical as well as mental health, according to a rapidly growing body of research. One way to curtail these kinds of feelings is to foster forgiveness. This reduces the power of bad events to create bitterness and resentment, say Michael McCullough and Robert Emmons, happiness researchers who edited The Psychology of Happiness.
- Remember Money Can’t Buy Happiness. Research shows that once income climbs above the poverty level, more money brings very little happiness. Yet, “we keep assuming that because things aren’t bringing us happiness, they’re wrong things, rather than recognizing that the pursuit itself is futile,” writes Daniel Gilbert in his book, Stumbling on Happiness. “Regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it’s never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.”
- Speak Daily Affirmation into Your Life. Affirmations are positive thoughts accompanied with affirmative beliefs and personal statements of truth. They are recited in the first person, present tense (“I am…”). Affirmations used daily can release stress, build confidence, and improve outlook. For maximum effectiveness, affirmations should be chosen carefully, be based in truth, and address current needs.
- Hold Back a Complaint. The next time you want to lash out in verbal complaint towards a person, a situation, or yourself, don’t. Instead, humbly keep it to yourself. You’ll likely diffuse an unhealthy, unhappy environment. But more than that, you’ll experience joy by choosing peace in a difficult situation.
- Use Your Strengths. Each of us have natural talents, strengths, and abilities. And when we use them effectively, we feel alive and comfortable in our skin. They help us find joy in our being and happiness in our design. So embrace your strengths and choose to operate within your giftedness each day. If you need to find this outlet outside your employment, by all means, find this outlet.
- Eat a Healthy Meal/Snack. We are spiritual, emotional, and mental beings. We are also physical bodies. Our lives cannot be wholly separated into parts. As a result, one aspect always influences the others. For example, our physical bodies will always have impact over our spiritual and emotional well-being. Therefore, caring for our physical well-being can have significant benefit for our emotional standing. One simple action to choose happiness today is to eat healthy foods. Your physical body will thank you…and so will your emotional well-being.
- Treat Others Well. Everyone wants to be treated kindly. But more than that, deep down, we also want to treat others with the same respect that we would like given to us. Treat everyone you meet with kindness, patience, and grace. The Golden Rule is a powerful standard. It benefits the receiver. But also brings growing satisfaction in yourself as you seek to treat others as you would like to be treated.
- Meditate. Find time alone in solitude. As our world increases in speed and noise, the ability to withdraw becomes even more essential. Studies confirm the importance and life-giving benefits of meditation. So take time to make time. And use meditation to search inward, connect spiritually, and improve your happiness today.
- Search for Benefit In Your Pain. This life can be difficult. Nobody escapes without pain. At some point-in some way-we all encounter it. When we do, remind yourself again that the trials may be difficult, but they will pass. And search deep to find meaning in the pain. Choose to look for the benefits that can be found in your trial. At the very least, perseverance is being built. And most likely, an ability to comfort others in their pain is also being developed.
I hope this can help you in some way to realize that you and only you can make the decision to be happy. People in your life or even your surroundings may add to it but the ultimate choice is yours. So start today…Choose to be Happy!
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
